A New Snippet

This one is not from the Family Secrets sequel.  It's part of a story that I've been calling Broken.  I don't know if I'll stick with that name.  We'll have to see how that works out.  The name aside, it's a powerful story and I really, really want to tell it.  The going is very slow because I want to get it right.  I'm hoping for comments on this post because I'm dying to know what a reader might think.  Here goes:

BROKEN:

Fear and dread rose up in me like bile. I was shaking so badly that I had to lean against the wall. The door was only four feet away, but I wasn’t sure I could make it. I wanted to scream, cry, run from this place and never look back. But I couldn’t. I made a promise – maybe the most important promise I’d ever made in my life.


The others began to arrive and I watched them file slowly into the room. No one looked at me - or at each other for that matter. I don’t suppose I really expected them to. After all, it wasn’t exactly a social gathering. The only person who did look my way was one of the guards. After the others had gone in, he came over and spoke to me, “Are you okay, ma’am? You don’t look so good. Can I get you some water or something?”

“No thank you. I’m fine.” It was a lie and I’m sure he knew it, but he was kind enough to let it go.

“You should go on in and sit down. It’s almost time to start.” He walked beside me, as if to catch me should I fall.

We entered the room and he saw me to my seat. There were twelve chairs laid out in three rows of four. I was right up front. I heard the door close in the rear of the room. It was a sound that would haunt me for the rest of my life. It was the sound of the end.

The lights dimmed and the curtains on the other side of the plate glass window moved slowly to either side. There she was, lying on a gurney. Her eyes were closed and I could see her chest rise and fall with each breath. I was a little amazed at how peaceful she looked. When she opened her eyes, I could see the raw fear and I knew that there would be no peace in this place tonight. Her head was slightly elevated so that she could see the onlookers. She looked around for a moment until she saw me. Her eyes locked onto mine and for one fleeting moment, I was glad that I had come. And then they started.

The warden appeared from behind a door. She was a small, well-dressed woman but I knew from experience that she was tough as nails. “SueAnn Saxton, do you have anything that you’d like to say?”

SueAnn opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She forced her eyes closed to try and block the sudden onslaught of tears, but it didn’t work. “I’m sorry,” she gasped with one of her lasts breaths. When she opened her eyes again, they were still locked on mine. I wanted to look away, but she held me with her gaze.

The warden took a step back and nodded to an unseen person behind a mirrored window. It was then that I noticed the tube in her arm and the contraption to which it was attached. After the warden’s nod, the contraption came to life. The first of three mechanical syringes began to inject chemicals into the tube. Within seconds, SueAnn’s body began to go limp. Her eyes stayed open, though, and locked onto mine. When the second syringe pushed its poison into her body, her eyes began to glaze over but they never closed. When the third syringe emptied its contents into her, her body stiffened and then relaxed. I could no longer see the rise and fall of her chest. I knew she was dead.

A nurse in medical scrubs entered the room with a clipboard. He checked for a pulse. Then he looked at the warden and gave a single nod. The warden responded in kind and the nurse noted the time of death on his clipboard before covering SueAnn’s body with a sheet.